First Date Etiquette

The first date is crucial to show her that chivalry is not dead nor is it comatose. No, this does not mean you need to rescue her from the fire breathing dragon on your white stallion, but it does mean that you will open the door for her, pull the chair out, and lend her your coat if it's cold. There is nothing wrong with being a complete gentleman. These days women don't get the proper treatment often enough. Be the one to prove to her that you are the man and you will treat her like the lady she is. With that said...

"A gentleman never leaves a lady waiting", aka: be on time! There's a good possibility she may not be ready (some women tend to run late from spending too much time getting all dolled up for her "hot date"...or so I've heard {I, on the other hand am ALWAYS on time ;) }, but heaven forbid you are late, it will definitely not be a good way to start out your date (this is along the lines of "do as I say and not as I do" :) ). Plus, while you wait you can check out her place (if you pick her up) and maybe find out a little more about her from decor, pictures, upkeep. Who knows...you may find a collage of pics of her and her 7 cats, in which case you should suddenly come down with the tummy flu. Or you will see an framed autographed jersey of Joe Montana and immediately start planning your future wedding. If she is running late to the place you are meeting her at then all the better for you. You can check out the menu, maybe talk to waiter about what is good then use that info to offer suggestions which can often be charming (unless you suggest the fois gras and then she tells you she's vegetarian :-/ ). Also just a small hint, find out where the restrooms are considering most likely at some point she will have to "powder her nose". Small gestures go a long way with us ladies.

Be complimentary. Nothing obvious though. Even if she has nicer eyes than Charlize Theron, notice something great about her that isn't so visible. The beautiful, distinct features of hers probably get complimented all the time. When she hears something new it feels more genuine. Not to say that you can't tell her what soft hair she has or that she looks amazing, but the more unique the compliment, the more special it makes her feel. Don't overkill with compliments, but make sure you do around 3-5 throughout the night. And spread it out. Don't throw out "Nice hair. Pretty smile. Love your dress." all in a row, then cross it off the date list of things to do. It will not come across as memorable, but a big turn off. And be creative with how you give out the compliment. For example, in your head you think "she looks so hot!".You can say, "You look stunning! But I'm sure you wake up this beautiful." (you don't have to add in the second part, but just a bonus silly sweet thing to say). Or "her rack looks amazing" (I'm assuming men think this or else maybe I've just seen too many guy flicks :) ). The better compliment option "That dress fits you perfectly." We may still know what your thinking, but we'll pretend we don't :)

Conversation is what is really going to let you both know if there is something between you two worth pursuing. This is where you can find out interests, commonalities, background (where she is from, about her family, school, etc), future plans, goals, etc. You can only discover so much about a person on one date, but that initial info can be so beneficial. Don't just talk about the weather, how many siblings you have, or other boring topics. Ask interesting questions that can lead to a stimulating conversation like "Have you ever skydived?" or "If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be and why?". And don't be afraid to ask core questions (although you should steer clear of getting too deep into each others personal lives too soon). Things that are very important to you should be brought up, but carefully. If you are extremely into fitness and being active you could ask about any sports she plays or what activities she likes to do. If she mentions that she hates to workout (despite her body still looking good), then eventually it could be a deal breaker when you get excited about running a marathon, and she is more excited about watching the Real Housewives of Atlanta marathon. Touchy subjects can be politics, religion, and exes. I would try to avoid this altogether unless it pertains to your situation, like if you met at a political campaign you were both working on or met at a church function. If you're in a situation that maybe you are a strong Christian, then find out how they feel, but be gentle and non judgmental about it. Turns out they may be Atheist with no intentions of ever incorporating religion into their lives. It may not be a deal breaker now, but eventually for long term it could be. Sometimes you can find out things without even asking. Like walking her to her car and she has an Obama sticker on it or a WWJD on her bumper or maybe she is wearing a CTR ring. Being observant can teach you a lot. The topic of exes is always sensitive and try to avoid unless it applies to the conversation. This will eventually come up, but it shouldn't be on the first date when you are trying to see if you even want to see this girl again and vice versa. And lastly is yet another somewhat sensitive subject. The "What do you do for a living?" question. This can go both ways as to something you don't want to find out about each other quite yet, but on the other hand it can really tell you a lot about the person. It's not necessarily about how much money you each make, but what it is that you spend 40+ hours a week doing. A job can say a lot about a person. An Australian study found women value the traits-intelligence, ambition, drive- that often accompany wealth. It's not always wealth as in money, but success. You don't have to be a millionaire to feel rich in your life. Money isn't automatically attractive to a woman, it's more about the connection you two have. However, with that said, a girl is going to want to make sure the man could take care of her and a future family if she is ever going to get serious with you. And I won't lie, being taken to your private island in the south of France wouldn't be the worst thing to look forward to ;)

Manners makyth a man. Men tend to have different behavior around their buddies versus women. Acting like Peter from The Family Guy may not get you too far with the ladies. This may sound like common sense, but then again most of the things on my blog should be common sense ;) Like I've previously discussed...always be a gentleman. This is a huge part of manners. As well as the simple things like chewing with your mouth closed, no elbows on the table, don't ask her a question right as she takes a bite, be kind to others, be a good listener, and say please and thank you, etc. A big one is no cellphone! Once you are on that date, your cell phone doesn't exist. An easy way to still check it is when you are in the restroom. Although don't take too long, or she might think your busy taking care of business (not romantic!) :) Now I already mentioned chewing with your mouth closed which was a given, but don't forget about how you look when your eating. What I mean is, don't make more eye contact with your food than on her. Even though the meal may be better than your mom's home cookin' and you can't get it in your mouth fast enough, show some self control. It is not so attractive when you remind her of a cheetah eating it's prey. Lastly is another obvious manner...check your teeth and have good breath. Keep in mind when ordering that although the garlic mash potatoes are your favorite side or the onion soup is amazing, it may leave a lasting impression...in the wrong way. Even if not for the possibility of a good night kiss, at least be considerate about the conversations you will have. She can smell that breath and she may forgive you for it, but she definitely will not forget. This small thing can be a huge buzzkill. And if all goes well on the date, you want your chances of that first smooch to be as high as possible ;)

In the last blog I talked about paying. This needs to be reiterated incase any of you didn't remember (or heaven forbid...didn't read it!!!). You ALWAYS PAY! And you pay for every aspect of the date even if she "insists". She doesn't really, she is probably just trying to be polite. So don't take it the wrong way. You can brush off her attempt casually by saying "it's my pleasure". Also, you should have some cash on you just incase you need to pay for parking or get suckered into one of those flower girls at the restaurant that puts you in that awkward situation when she comes to your table with roses and asks if you want to buy one for the lady. You just want to be prepared for anything that may come up.

Now this may be a complete shocker, but us women can tend to read into things that you men had no clue you were even doing. She may replay in her head how you looked behind her while she was talking and assume you were checking out a girl, when all the while you were lusting after the dessert tray. Body language and eye contact can play a huge part on your date. Women read into every little detail of your body language on that first date. Since she doesn't know you all that well yet, she could think one thing of your actions when that wasn't your intentions at all. For example, if you sweep her hair out of her face, she can find this to be the sweetest gesture that you are really into her. All the while it was just because your perfection OCD kicked in and you had to fix it. Just know that women can take things the wrong way, especially when she is initially finding out about your tendencies and mannerisms. This can go vice versa though. Be careful to not read into her body language too. Women can tend to be very nice and polite and men can be lead on by that. Watch out for the "I love you, I love you not" signals.

Make sure no matter what the activity you are doing, that she is having a good time. Even if you don't think you'll take her out again, you definitely don't want to be pegged as the boring date or dull guy. Keep in mind that women find more attraction with a man that she finds to be stimulating and can make her laugh. We prefer a man that is attractive with a great sense of humor and considerate to a Channing Tatum look alike that can barely hold down a conversation (although we would probably still enjoy ogling at him while he babbles about how many lifts he can do :) )

All good things must come to an end. Or do they? If at the end of the date you don't think it's a good match, then don't lead her on, especially if you know she is into you. Don't be another statistic of the man that said he'd call and didn't. This is not high school or early college years. Say "it was nice getting to know you", "I had a good time" (not great time which indicates you want more, because if something is great then you definitely will want more :) ), "I had a lame time and have no intentions of ever contacting you. EVER!" Ok, wait, maybe not that last one ;) Be gentle on her though...women, incase you didn't know, can be sensitive..."sen-siiii-tiiiive". Keep these tips in mind though incase she pulls this move on you. This is a two way streak, and she may be the one trying to let you down easy.

If the date does go as well as you had hoped then don't be afraid to go for the first kiss. Feel out the situation first (I said the situation, which was not code for her body ;) ). Did she give you any hints that she "just isn't that into you"? Was her body language obvious that she enjoyed your company and wanted more? Or was she eager to get back home so she could watch the Bachelor and fantasize her date went as amazing as the "reality" shows? If you do get the right vibe to go in for the kill, then be a gentleman about it. Keep it at first base. Not first trying to steal second, but just a good solid first base. She will respect you more if she sees you can respect her. Sometimes less is more. Even if you both want more, it leaves something exciting to look forward to in the future. Make it memorable though. That way she can have something to day dream about during her boring work meeting in the morning :)

The follow up these days is not the same as it use to be. The whole "wait 3 days" rule is not necessarily the best way to go about it. A girl can easily get scared off if she thinks the date went great on Saturday night then doesn't hear from you until Wednesday. What if you do want another date with her that following weekend? Even if her big Friday night plans were to cross stitch her niece a puppy and watch Dirty Dancing, she will tell you she is already booked. Contact her within a couple days. Even if it is a simple text that says "you're on my mind" or "I can't stop thinking about how much fun I had with you", this can score more brownie points than a 30 minute telephone convo. A call is nice, but these days a text can be just as sweet. However do not under any circumstances assume that a Facebook message will suffice. You are not 14! This does not work after a first date. You are a grown man, so act like one by making her feel like a desired lady. If you really want to impress you, you could even send her a small (nothing too extravagant, unless she is a high maintenance type and you know would not be impressed with anything less than an embarrassing display of roses) bouquet of flowers with a card that has a simple message like "I can't wait too see you again". It's these types of small gestures that really set the bar high and put you way above the rest. Way, way above!

The first date can be a nerve racking experience. It can end with the best night you've ever had or as an embarrassing story you'll be telling for years to come. You can be the man to revive chivalry. Be confident in yourself and that it will go well. If one thing goes wrong, it's better to laugh it off then to dwell on it and watch the snowball effect for the rest of the night. Humor about unforeseen, unfortunate occurrences can fix a lot and truly impress her with how you handle situations. Be attentive to her needs and ask questions. Listen to her instead of babbling on and on about the touchdown you made to win the final goal back in high school. Sometimes when you're stressed you may talk a lot, so try to stay in tune to your nervous tendencies. The whole point of this date is to see if there is something between you two worth pursuing. You want to leave a good, I meant great, impression on her even if it doesn't move on to a second or third date. Remind her how she should be treated and that real life dating can be just as good, if not better, than the Bachelor dates, even if you aren't Sean the total stud muffin. You are better, because you are the real "reality" :)

Next week: Showing Consideration