First Impression
It's known that men are more visual while women are more mental/emotional. So this gives good looking guys a chance to prove they're more than just "another pretty face" and the not so good looking guys a way to get with a girl that would otherwise be "out of [his] league". Have you ever thought to yourself "dude, this chic is so into me!" and then she gives you the wrong number or pulls the "I have a boyfriend" line. In a psychology study, it showed that most men thought women were more into them then what they really were. The men did not focus on the body language, but more on the appearance of her face and clothing and the body language they wanted to see. This mistake that many men make then leads to various measures of sexual aggression. This can be simply solved...focus on a woman's emotional interest to give you the hint (either good or bad) she is subtly conferring to you...without saying it out loud. You want to make a good first impression, then show her you're not like all the other men that don't pay attention to what she really wants.
Do you ever see a girl and think "how can I make her notice me?" Of course you do...because I know it's not just us women that think that about you men :) Some men have the kahunas to just walk up to the girl and talk to her. Sometimes this timing isn't always the best though. Then there are the men that just can't quite bring themselves to do it and potentially miss out on a great opportunity. One of the best and easiest ways to make that initial contact is to make eye contact with her. Flash a little smile and hold her gaze. This is the body language that lets her know you are interested. If she is attracted to what she sees then she will smile back. Even just a smirk can be a girls way of showing she likes what she sees, but doesn't want to seem too eager (some of you men like a challenge...so I've heard :) ). Now men here is the deal, if she has a grossed out look on her face...then tread lightly. You may want to either give up and focus on other fish in the sea or if you truly believe you could stand a chance, then this is where your awesome, funny personality needs to come in. Don't overestimate yourself like the men in the psychology study did. You could do something sweet, like if you're in a coffee shop or restaurant send her a dessert or even a drink (a non alcoholic one is best). Sounds silly, but this is the cute stuff women do like...small yet sweet. Depending on the situation, use your judgement on how to charm her. Nothing over the top. Repeat...NOTHING over the top! It's only going to make us feel bad for you and feel worse for being mean when we turn you down after not being impressed. If you have a chance with a girl, then a sweet small gesture will suffice.
Now in the case that you throw her that initial "I'm interested in you" smile and she responds positively, then great! She now has her eye on you. Most likely she will now pretend she's listening to her girlfriend talk about her boy problems, while keeping one eye on you and one on her friend. She will be amusing herself with the thoughts of how you will attempt to approach her. If you have the problem of her having her friend with her, this can be tricky. You don't want the friend to feel you are interrupting them (although if you were hitting on her instead she wouldn't mind at all. That's just how girls are) and you don't want her friend to feel she is not "cuter" than your girl of interest. You can wait til the friend gets up to use the restroom, etc. Or if that's not an option, then just go for it, but make sure you focus on 1. if you are interrupting and the girls are annoyed 2. if the friend is annoyed, but your girl is intrigued 3. if body language from the girls show they want you there 4. if you are interrupting but it's bad timing. If you know it's bad timing then make it short and sweet. Emphasis on sweet. If you can tell that the girls want you there then talk about something that all of you can talk about. Make it fun, so that the girl wants you and the friend will "think [you're] funny". If the body languages show they don't want you there, then get out of the situation asap. If you are fortunate enough to get a girl that is solo, then you will have better access to talking to her to see if there is a connection and interest. If the girl maintains eye contact with you then she is interested. If you notice her looking around or giving you short responses, then take a hint. You can't win em all. Here's a little factoid about eye contact. When people have good eye contact, there is a low level of oxytocin that is released. This is a good thing because it is creates positivity and a very important element...greater trust. (On a side note for the future...if things work out...oxytocin is released when people are given atleast a 15 minute massage...and who doesn't want one of these :) ) If you can get a girl interested within the first 8 seconds then you are good to go. If she stays interested in the conversation and keeps the eye contact with you and not at every clock in the room, then go for it and don't forget to ASK FOR HER NUMBER! Better yet, you can put the ball in her court and just give her your business card. I can't tell you how many times guys will be so great about coming up and talking then when it's time to part ways they just shy away. Man up!
Another simple thing you can do is have good posture. It shows confidence if you stand up straight and carry yourself well. A man that exudes confidence can really go a lot further in life than a man that doesn't. Don't slouch. Good posture is just an overall good idea :)
Speaking of confidence...not only is having good posture a good quality that shows you have it, but don't let it stop there. When you talk to a girl...or anyone per say...keep in mind that you have something great to offer. A friend of mine that I always considered to be a highly confident man, once told me that even though he doesn't have as much to offer a girl as what other men may be able to, he focuses on all his great attributes. He knows he is a great guy and can make a girl happy. He has a long list of things he wishes to improve on, but he doesn't focus on that. Women are drawn to him because you can tell he is a man that knows he is a catch, but not in a cocky way. There is a difference between confident and cocky. Make sure you don't mix the two up. It will have the opposite effect. Humility can be very sexy on a man.
We've all heard that a person's favorite word is hearing their name. Well along those lines, women like to talk about themselves...just incase you didn't know that ;) This doesn't mean that she is not interested in getting to know you...or if she isn't then you may want to rethink your choice in women :) When you meet someone you want to know you have something in common. The more commonalities you have, the more stimulating the conversation will be. Don't bogart the conversation. She probably will initially be interested, but quickly realize you just like to hear yourself talk. If she starts giving you quick one word/sentence responses and doesn't ask questions back, then save your dignity and say good bye. If you can find something to talk about that makes her smile and laugh, then you are good as gold. This releases endorphins and she will then associate you with you positive thoughts instead of negative ones. And who doesn't want this benefit in their corner :) You will get a feel for the girl's personality and her sense of humor the more you talk to her. Take note and use it to your advantage. Let her know things you relate to her about, but make sure you ask her lots of questions...but quality...not quantity. Don't do the "how many siblings do you have?" or the "what are you studying?" or "did you grow up around here?". These questions aren't really relevant, but sometimes we do think it's cute you're trying. But usually it's not cute enough to give you our number :) Focus on quality questions.
Another small effort you can make is to not mumble. You don't like it when you can't understand what someone else is saying, so don't be that guy that we can't tell if you say "I like your hair" or "I like your pair". It can cause the opposite of your intended effect :) We want to know what you're saying. This helps us analyze if we like you more or less, but if we can't hear you then it's an automatic fail. And no man wants to fail...with the chics in particular ;)
For fun here is a link to a great little quiz that will hopefully give you a little insight as to how your first impressions go. It's not for dating necessarily, but just for making a good first impression in general. http://www.menshealth.com/cda/quiz.do?site=MensHealth&channel=best.life&category=career.money&conitem=8989f812087c3010VgnVCM100000cfe793cd____
Now when it comes to getting the girl's info, you need to tread lightly. Make sure first off that she is interested. Make sure she does not have a boyfriend. Make sure you do in a manner that if her friend is there, that you are not hurting the friends feelings. Make sure you don't come across as creepy about it. And for the love men...DON'T ask for her facebook info! We are not in high school...so just get the proper info...her number. Usually the best way to go about it, is just like I mentioned earlier...give her your info. If you have a business card that works great. And on a side note...if she does give you her number DO NOT call it right away and use the excuse "now you have my number". Honestly, in the off chance that she gave you a fake number, it puts both of you in a highly uncomfortable situation (think about this actual scenario...it's comical...if it's happening to someone else :) ). Just trust that if she is interested she gave you the right number or she will call your number.
Remember the key elements with leaving a good lasting impression on a girl. Make eye contact. Show confidence. Ask her questions. Make her smile. Leave your contact information. And know when to leave and not linger. The first impression is the most important. This will determine if you see her again in person...or just in your day dreams. Remember that you do have something good to offer to her. If not to her, then to some other lucky lady. You have great qualities, even if it's not in all walks of life. Make sure that she seems like someone you would even want to pursue. Look for those commonalities that could lead to something worth while. And don't worry...if at first you don't succeed, try try again (not necessarily with the same girl though. Steer clear of the creepy factor). All it takes is meeting that one girl that will see all the wonderful attributes you have to offer.
*next week: first step: contact and prep for the first date
Do you ever see a girl and think "how can I make her notice me?" Of course you do...because I know it's not just us women that think that about you men :) Some men have the kahunas to just walk up to the girl and talk to her. Sometimes this timing isn't always the best though. Then there are the men that just can't quite bring themselves to do it and potentially miss out on a great opportunity. One of the best and easiest ways to make that initial contact is to make eye contact with her. Flash a little smile and hold her gaze. This is the body language that lets her know you are interested. If she is attracted to what she sees then she will smile back. Even just a smirk can be a girls way of showing she likes what she sees, but doesn't want to seem too eager (some of you men like a challenge...so I've heard :) ). Now men here is the deal, if she has a grossed out look on her face...then tread lightly. You may want to either give up and focus on other fish in the sea or if you truly believe you could stand a chance, then this is where your awesome, funny personality needs to come in. Don't overestimate yourself like the men in the psychology study did. You could do something sweet, like if you're in a coffee shop or restaurant send her a dessert or even a drink (a non alcoholic one is best). Sounds silly, but this is the cute stuff women do like...small yet sweet. Depending on the situation, use your judgement on how to charm her. Nothing over the top. Repeat...NOTHING over the top! It's only going to make us feel bad for you and feel worse for being mean when we turn you down after not being impressed. If you have a chance with a girl, then a sweet small gesture will suffice.
Now in the case that you throw her that initial "I'm interested in you" smile and she responds positively, then great! She now has her eye on you. Most likely she will now pretend she's listening to her girlfriend talk about her boy problems, while keeping one eye on you and one on her friend. She will be amusing herself with the thoughts of how you will attempt to approach her. If you have the problem of her having her friend with her, this can be tricky. You don't want the friend to feel you are interrupting them (although if you were hitting on her instead she wouldn't mind at all. That's just how girls are) and you don't want her friend to feel she is not "cuter" than your girl of interest. You can wait til the friend gets up to use the restroom, etc. Or if that's not an option, then just go for it, but make sure you focus on 1. if you are interrupting and the girls are annoyed 2. if the friend is annoyed, but your girl is intrigued 3. if body language from the girls show they want you there 4. if you are interrupting but it's bad timing. If you know it's bad timing then make it short and sweet. Emphasis on sweet. If you can tell that the girls want you there then talk about something that all of you can talk about. Make it fun, so that the girl wants you and the friend will "think [you're] funny". If the body languages show they don't want you there, then get out of the situation asap. If you are fortunate enough to get a girl that is solo, then you will have better access to talking to her to see if there is a connection and interest. If the girl maintains eye contact with you then she is interested. If you notice her looking around or giving you short responses, then take a hint. You can't win em all. Here's a little factoid about eye contact. When people have good eye contact, there is a low level of oxytocin that is released. This is a good thing because it is creates positivity and a very important element...greater trust. (On a side note for the future...if things work out...oxytocin is released when people are given atleast a 15 minute massage...and who doesn't want one of these :) ) If you can get a girl interested within the first 8 seconds then you are good to go. If she stays interested in the conversation and keeps the eye contact with you and not at every clock in the room, then go for it and don't forget to ASK FOR HER NUMBER! Better yet, you can put the ball in her court and just give her your business card. I can't tell you how many times guys will be so great about coming up and talking then when it's time to part ways they just shy away. Man up!
Another simple thing you can do is have good posture. It shows confidence if you stand up straight and carry yourself well. A man that exudes confidence can really go a lot further in life than a man that doesn't. Don't slouch. Good posture is just an overall good idea :)
Speaking of confidence...not only is having good posture a good quality that shows you have it, but don't let it stop there. When you talk to a girl...or anyone per say...keep in mind that you have something great to offer. A friend of mine that I always considered to be a highly confident man, once told me that even though he doesn't have as much to offer a girl as what other men may be able to, he focuses on all his great attributes. He knows he is a great guy and can make a girl happy. He has a long list of things he wishes to improve on, but he doesn't focus on that. Women are drawn to him because you can tell he is a man that knows he is a catch, but not in a cocky way. There is a difference between confident and cocky. Make sure you don't mix the two up. It will have the opposite effect. Humility can be very sexy on a man.
We've all heard that a person's favorite word is hearing their name. Well along those lines, women like to talk about themselves...just incase you didn't know that ;) This doesn't mean that she is not interested in getting to know you...or if she isn't then you may want to rethink your choice in women :) When you meet someone you want to know you have something in common. The more commonalities you have, the more stimulating the conversation will be. Don't bogart the conversation. She probably will initially be interested, but quickly realize you just like to hear yourself talk. If she starts giving you quick one word/sentence responses and doesn't ask questions back, then save your dignity and say good bye. If you can find something to talk about that makes her smile and laugh, then you are good as gold. This releases endorphins and she will then associate you with you positive thoughts instead of negative ones. And who doesn't want this benefit in their corner :) You will get a feel for the girl's personality and her sense of humor the more you talk to her. Take note and use it to your advantage. Let her know things you relate to her about, but make sure you ask her lots of questions...but quality...not quantity. Don't do the "how many siblings do you have?" or the "what are you studying?" or "did you grow up around here?". These questions aren't really relevant, but sometimes we do think it's cute you're trying. But usually it's not cute enough to give you our number :) Focus on quality questions.
Another small effort you can make is to not mumble. You don't like it when you can't understand what someone else is saying, so don't be that guy that we can't tell if you say "I like your hair" or "I like your pair". It can cause the opposite of your intended effect :) We want to know what you're saying. This helps us analyze if we like you more or less, but if we can't hear you then it's an automatic fail. And no man wants to fail...with the chics in particular ;)
For fun here is a link to a great little quiz that will hopefully give you a little insight as to how your first impressions go. It's not for dating necessarily, but just for making a good first impression in general. http://www.menshealth.com/cda/quiz.do?site=MensHealth&channel=best.life&category=career.money&conitem=8989f812087c3010VgnVCM100000cfe793cd____
Now when it comes to getting the girl's info, you need to tread lightly. Make sure first off that she is interested. Make sure she does not have a boyfriend. Make sure you do in a manner that if her friend is there, that you are not hurting the friends feelings. Make sure you don't come across as creepy about it. And for the love men...DON'T ask for her facebook info! We are not in high school...so just get the proper info...her number. Usually the best way to go about it, is just like I mentioned earlier...give her your info. If you have a business card that works great. And on a side note...if she does give you her number DO NOT call it right away and use the excuse "now you have my number". Honestly, in the off chance that she gave you a fake number, it puts both of you in a highly uncomfortable situation (think about this actual scenario...it's comical...if it's happening to someone else :) ). Just trust that if she is interested she gave you the right number or she will call your number.
Remember the key elements with leaving a good lasting impression on a girl. Make eye contact. Show confidence. Ask her questions. Make her smile. Leave your contact information. And know when to leave and not linger. The first impression is the most important. This will determine if you see her again in person...or just in your day dreams. Remember that you do have something good to offer to her. If not to her, then to some other lucky lady. You have great qualities, even if it's not in all walks of life. Make sure that she seems like someone you would even want to pursue. Look for those commonalities that could lead to something worth while. And don't worry...if at first you don't succeed, try try again (not necessarily with the same girl though. Steer clear of the creepy factor). All it takes is meeting that one girl that will see all the wonderful attributes you have to offer.
*next week: first step: contact and prep for the first date
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| Confidence oozing despite being in a pink women's bathrobe (although he could lose the gross cigarette). |
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| Don't be this guy |
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| And definitely don't be this guy:The overly cocky,needs to button up his shirt, thinks he's God's gift, unattractive man. |
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