Appearance
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". Not every woman will view a man's appearance the same. We all have different types and may be more or less attracted to a man than the girl next to her might be. However, there is still that initial "Yes! Give me some of that!" or "He's alright. I'd take him.", even the "naahhhh...not for me", and the one you never want "Ugh! No thank you! How dare he check me out!". And don't judge us for having these reactions men...you know you're reactions with initial physical appearance to us women is far more descriptive...both good and bad :) Sometimes we are not proud that we think this way, but that is why as decent human beings we typically don't verbalize our opinions out loud (unless it's to our girlfriend of course ;) ). The appearance is by far not the most important necessity in a relationship, but it can be a dealbreaker with getting the initial attention of the opposite sex to even get to the point to pursue something more.
According to a survey done in The New York Times, women tend to base more emphasis on being family oriented, financially stable, and status, whereas men put more emphasis on physical appearance, patience, and passion. We all know that looks are more important to men than to women. They are the more visual gender. A woman wants a man that she feels she could be safe with. A stable man that will be a good to her. This is something that can come across in a man's appearance. Yes there are those women (whether they like it or not), that are attracted to the "bad boy". And not to say that this isn't an attractive appearance to certain women (I confess that it has been one of my weaknesses), but woman looking for long term are most likely not going "to go for" that guy; just as you men aren't going to want to take the girl from the bar dressed in a tight mini dress, home to mom. If we see a man that is dressed nicely and well kept, we will be attracted to him as a potential mate (no men...I'm not referring to mating. There is a difference :) ). If he looks "put together", then it makes a statement that he takes care of himself, which means he will probably take care of his woman and even that he will be a good provider (not financially necessarily) for a family. If a man is dressed with saggy pants on or not shaved in several days and has a dirty shirt on (there are many other unkept examples we can all think of), then it shows that he most likely is not on the ball with taking care of himself, let alone a career, woman, and family. He may have an attractive face and even a nice body, but it's hard to look past the silent statement he is making with his appearance. We prefer a man (and again...I'm not speaking for EVERY woman) that shows he cares about himself. It shows stability (this covers a variety of fields and not just with a career), which can be a big green flag for a woman. Men...you want a girl to see green flags when she looks at you! :)
These days sometimes what is "attractive" can be swayed by media...especially for women (although I'm sure some of you men secretly look at Victoria Secret Catalogue or People and watch Fashion Police ;) ). We are taught that Brad Pitt and George Clooney are the men we want instead of the Jonah Hill and Ray Romanos. Here's a little tidbit though about women...we can be most attracted to the men that aren't the typical "hot" guy. Obviously personality is key in long term attraction, but we will get to that in the near future. But the men that we have an initial attraction to that may not be immediately magnetic, but sometimes more mild, can be the ones that we end up finding to be "hotter" than Brad Pitt. They are the undiscovered hot guys. The ones other hot girls pass up in their pursuit to find their Channing Tatum. However, these men's initial appearance left a positive impression on the ladies. So just because you may not have the features of the GQ men, does not mean that your future woman won't want to have you on a centerfold above her bed.
When talking about appearance I'm not just talking about aesthetics, however, that does play a role. If a woman spends hours a week at the gym trying to keep up with zumba or be flexible enough to survive in a yoga class, then chances are she will want a man that cares about his body as well. Also it's just about sharing a commonality. Not every woman works out, so men...if you prefer playing Halo with your buddies instead of lifting weights, then you should probably steer clear of hitting on the Turbo Kickboxing teacher. Along with working out, which will make you feel better which in turn will give you more confidence fyi..., you have got to maintain your grooming standards. We get that you don't like to shave every day. Us woman have a lot more ground to cover when it comes to shaving, so you shouldn't complain. We don't hold it against you if you take a few days off...infact sometimes it can be sexy...but don't just look like you gave up. Like I mentioned in last weeks tips, if you have a unibrow or other hair that is not where it should be, then wax it. You can shave, but wax lasts longer and is overall better. If it's real bad then consider laser hair removal. It's a small thing to see those hairs that are sprouting in unnatural areas, but it can be a turn off. Easy fix though. Another easy fix is whitening your teeth. Seriously guys...it goes a long way to have a brighter smile and shows us better dental hygiene. Quick and easy grooming tip. After all, a smile can be your #1 feature because we like to know we make you happy :)
Style and clothing are something I will get into on next weeks tips, but it is an important factor in appearance. It can sometimes be the biggest attention getter to us women. So keep this is mind. Next week I will expand.
To wrap up this weeks lesson, just remember that it's not all about looks. Think about your initial reaction to when you see a woman. Are you attracted to her? Is she in your "league" (although, as previously discussed you can go out of your league up or down; personality can make a big difference)? Is she a girl you would want to get to know or a girl you want to "get to knooooowwww"? What is it that makes her attractive...her smile? Style? Aesthetics? Something else? Even though your a man, these thoughts go through our mind also. But we go beyond just the beauty. We want the appearance of a good man. A kind man. A stable man. A gentleman.
Note: If you have any questions about appearance or even need personalized tips for how you can improve on your own handsome impression for the ladies, feel free to contact me. I do a variety of private dating consulting.
Next week: Style
Example of a man that almost every woman finds attractive, but notice the two extremes with his appearance (this is based only on appearance and not personality). On the left he looks unkept and careless with his looks. We think "Hmmm...maybe". You can see that he is still an attractive man from his features, but typically a woman would really have to look hard to notice this. Even after noticing it, she still will most likely not be that interested. However, the pic on the right is him actually taking pride in his appearance. Our thoughts...atleast the appropriate thoughts...say "YES PLEASE! I'll take two!" A woman would give a limb to be hit on by him (and this is taking out the celebrity factor and just focussing on appearance). We don't expect you men to look like Ashton Kutcher, but you could take some tips from this drastic comparison.
According to a survey done in The New York Times, women tend to base more emphasis on being family oriented, financially stable, and status, whereas men put more emphasis on physical appearance, patience, and passion. We all know that looks are more important to men than to women. They are the more visual gender. A woman wants a man that she feels she could be safe with. A stable man that will be a good to her. This is something that can come across in a man's appearance. Yes there are those women (whether they like it or not), that are attracted to the "bad boy". And not to say that this isn't an attractive appearance to certain women (I confess that it has been one of my weaknesses), but woman looking for long term are most likely not going "to go for" that guy; just as you men aren't going to want to take the girl from the bar dressed in a tight mini dress, home to mom. If we see a man that is dressed nicely and well kept, we will be attracted to him as a potential mate (no men...I'm not referring to mating. There is a difference :) ). If he looks "put together", then it makes a statement that he takes care of himself, which means he will probably take care of his woman and even that he will be a good provider (not financially necessarily) for a family. If a man is dressed with saggy pants on or not shaved in several days and has a dirty shirt on (there are many other unkept examples we can all think of), then it shows that he most likely is not on the ball with taking care of himself, let alone a career, woman, and family. He may have an attractive face and even a nice body, but it's hard to look past the silent statement he is making with his appearance. We prefer a man (and again...I'm not speaking for EVERY woman) that shows he cares about himself. It shows stability (this covers a variety of fields and not just with a career), which can be a big green flag for a woman. Men...you want a girl to see green flags when she looks at you! :)
These days sometimes what is "attractive" can be swayed by media...especially for women (although I'm sure some of you men secretly look at Victoria Secret Catalogue or People and watch Fashion Police ;) ). We are taught that Brad Pitt and George Clooney are the men we want instead of the Jonah Hill and Ray Romanos. Here's a little tidbit though about women...we can be most attracted to the men that aren't the typical "hot" guy. Obviously personality is key in long term attraction, but we will get to that in the near future. But the men that we have an initial attraction to that may not be immediately magnetic, but sometimes more mild, can be the ones that we end up finding to be "hotter" than Brad Pitt. They are the undiscovered hot guys. The ones other hot girls pass up in their pursuit to find their Channing Tatum. However, these men's initial appearance left a positive impression on the ladies. So just because you may not have the features of the GQ men, does not mean that your future woman won't want to have you on a centerfold above her bed.
When talking about appearance I'm not just talking about aesthetics, however, that does play a role. If a woman spends hours a week at the gym trying to keep up with zumba or be flexible enough to survive in a yoga class, then chances are she will want a man that cares about his body as well. Also it's just about sharing a commonality. Not every woman works out, so men...if you prefer playing Halo with your buddies instead of lifting weights, then you should probably steer clear of hitting on the Turbo Kickboxing teacher. Along with working out, which will make you feel better which in turn will give you more confidence fyi..., you have got to maintain your grooming standards. We get that you don't like to shave every day. Us woman have a lot more ground to cover when it comes to shaving, so you shouldn't complain. We don't hold it against you if you take a few days off...infact sometimes it can be sexy...but don't just look like you gave up. Like I mentioned in last weeks tips, if you have a unibrow or other hair that is not where it should be, then wax it. You can shave, but wax lasts longer and is overall better. If it's real bad then consider laser hair removal. It's a small thing to see those hairs that are sprouting in unnatural areas, but it can be a turn off. Easy fix though. Another easy fix is whitening your teeth. Seriously guys...it goes a long way to have a brighter smile and shows us better dental hygiene. Quick and easy grooming tip. After all, a smile can be your #1 feature because we like to know we make you happy :)
Style and clothing are something I will get into on next weeks tips, but it is an important factor in appearance. It can sometimes be the biggest attention getter to us women. So keep this is mind. Next week I will expand.
To wrap up this weeks lesson, just remember that it's not all about looks. Think about your initial reaction to when you see a woman. Are you attracted to her? Is she in your "league" (although, as previously discussed you can go out of your league up or down; personality can make a big difference)? Is she a girl you would want to get to know or a girl you want to "get to knooooowwww"? What is it that makes her attractive...her smile? Style? Aesthetics? Something else? Even though your a man, these thoughts go through our mind also. But we go beyond just the beauty. We want the appearance of a good man. A kind man. A stable man. A gentleman.
Note: If you have any questions about appearance or even need personalized tips for how you can improve on your own handsome impression for the ladies, feel free to contact me. I do a variety of private dating consulting.
Next week: Style
Example of a man that almost every woman finds attractive, but notice the two extremes with his appearance (this is based only on appearance and not personality). On the left he looks unkept and careless with his looks. We think "Hmmm...maybe". You can see that he is still an attractive man from his features, but typically a woman would really have to look hard to notice this. Even after noticing it, she still will most likely not be that interested. However, the pic on the right is him actually taking pride in his appearance. Our thoughts...atleast the appropriate thoughts...say "YES PLEASE! I'll take two!" A woman would give a limb to be hit on by him (and this is taking out the celebrity factor and just focussing on appearance). We don't expect you men to look like Ashton Kutcher, but you could take some tips from this drastic comparison.
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